Bob Sands, Author at Bob Sands

“Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys”

By Bob Sands on December 18, 2021

What a great saying. According to my research, it originated in Poland. From there it has taken on a life of its own.

Why?

It’s true!

I once saw two women in a physical altercation at a busy intersection. Both had barreled out of their respective cars and began pulling each other’s hair, and slapping and punching one another. I decided to try and stop it and wound up being the recipient of some of their anger! Sometimes you have to jump in to help someone who’s being victimized or abused, but that’s different than most of the battles in which we partake.

I’ve found that most of the battles in which I involve myself didn’t involve me in the first place, but I find myself wanting to “right the ship” and “get to the truth.” Then, after wasting a lot of time, I realize that wasn’t my circus, and it wasn’t my monkey.

We all do it. We take sides in a coworker’s dispute, criticize the other party in a marital skirmish, or engage in combat on social media when it wasn’t directed at us.

How do we cure it? Keep this quote somewhere where you can see it. And the next time a situation presents itself, the people around you should see you walking the other way and mumbling to yourself, “It’s not my circus and not my monkey.”

Don’t try and fix what you don’t own.

On Threats and Sunsets

By Bob Sands on May 9, 2019

Mallory Square. It’s a hot spot in Key West, Florida to watch the sunset. People from all walks of life gather there at the end of the day to listen to music, imbibe (they do that a lot in the keys!) and watch the Artist of the Universe paint a masterpiece. I shot this video last evening.

It’s hard to believe that was just last night, because of what took place there yesterday morning. I had been in downtown Key West over the late morning and early afternoon. When I got back to my hotel a friend of mine texted me the link to a news article about a bomb scare at Mallory Square – that morning. It seems that, at first, it seemed credible. So credible in fact that the Navy K-9 units were called out and the the surrounding perimeter was shut-down until an investigation could be done. In the end it was deemed a hoax.

It’s amazing how quickly things can change. From Bomb Threat to Sunset in just over twelve hours.

That’s how it goes. Something or someone is threatening your very existence one moment and the next moment all is okay in your world. I’m not saying it’s that easy, it isn’t. There are things that come our way that destabilize us for a while. It could be a bleak diagnosis, the end of a relationship or even the passing of a loved one. That’s the hard stuff. The stuff we never really ever get over but, just get through. But all the while one thing is constant, the sun rises and sets the next day and like clock work.

It lets us know that even though we were threatened today that tomorrow is a new day that will be rife with new struggles and new opportunities. I’m not minimizing pain at all. It happens and will continue to happen. Tragedy will strike, conflict will occur and life will get messy.

But, as the song says, “The sun will come out tomorrow…”

Or as my wife’s Grandmother used to put it, “Tomorrow is another day.”

Whatever our perspective, this much is sure – if we wake up to a new sunrise after yesterday’s sunset, we have another day to love and be loved, another day to make a difference.

And that’s a good thing.

System Failure

By Bob Sands on May 6, 2019

The engine just stalled. Quit. No warning lights, nothing. I pushed the ignition button to restart my three-year-old car with less than 60,000 miles on it. It restarted, but then it stalled several more times. I called my mechanic, and he checked it out. After extensive diagnostic testing, he found nothing. He then suggested that I call the dealership as my make and model had several recalls.

I called the dealership. Once the service department checked my VIN, I was informed that my car did not have a recall for that problem. The service manager said, “check the oil.” I responded, “The oil is fine, I’m only about 200 miles overdue for an oil change plus my mechanic just checked it over.” The service manager responded, “Did your mechanic check the oil?” I allowed that I wasn’t sure.

I acquiesced and checked the oil. It was dangerously low. When I called the service manager back to let her know what I had discovered she responded, “I thought so.” When I inquired as to the problem the service manager told me to bring it to the dealership, they would check some things out and tell me what’s next.

When I got to the dealership, a service tech informed me that some of the engines on my make and model had a problem burning oil for no reason. There was also an automatic safety shut-off so that when the oil got too low, it would prevent the engine from blowing up.

I asked, “What’s the fix?”

“You need a new engine,” she responded.

“A new engine! That car’s not worth it. No way,” I argued.

“It’s covered under warranty, it will all be taken care of, just give me four days,” she said.

That was a game changer.

Sometimes that happens in life. There’s a system failure, and you think things are bad. They may seem costly and not worth it. You may want to cash it in and go in a different direction.

That’s when you need the right people who you can trust to get you through. Seek them out and listen to them when they show up. A system failure may not be as bad as it sounds.

Why Reading A Speech Is So Yesterday! Audio

By Bob Sands on May 3, 2019

If you open PowerPoint to prepare your speech, you might already be in trouble. Here’s a short audio on how to prepare and deliver a speech the right way.

Noticing

By Bob Sands on May 1, 2019

Noticing

The word notice has many connotations.

You can be put on notice by your spouse/partner, bank or boss.

You can receive a notice that you won the lottery or owe the IRS.

You can even be the one giving notice to someone that it’s time to move out, move on or move over.

More often than not we as humans seem more concerned about putting people on notice (or being put on notice ourselves!) than we do taking notice.

But taking notice of people and things is what life is all about. It means paying attention to movement and context. It means looking at things from their perspective. It means practicing empathy.

Taking notice of the people in our lives reminds us that everyone has a story, a background that makes them do what they do. That’s the lens through which they view the world.

So, look closer today. See things differently. When we notice more we are put on notice less.

Between Two Worlds

By Bob Sands on April 24, 2019

Many years ago, John R. W. Stott wrote a homiletics (the art of preaching) book titled, “Between Two Worlds.” Its premise centered around the fact that a preacher, to be effective, would need to have their feet firmly planted in the two worlds of the heavenly and the earthly. They would need to read the newspaper as much as they read the Bible.

That’s a good lesson for all of us for every area of our life. The Psychologist must live between the two worlds of theory and practicality. The marketer must function between the two worlds of their product/service. The teacher must work between the two worlds of helping their students master the material and apply it to life.

There is always a tension that exists between the two worlds, but it’s necessary. Without the tension, there is no story. Tension makes us look for solutions, provides balance and gives us a reason to keep on going.

Between two worlds is the place to live. It is where your gifts intersect with the world and where hope can meet humanity.

4 Questions To Make Sure Your Expert Really Is One

By Bob Sands on May 30, 2018

“The challenge is that they know all the answers but they don’t know the questions!”

I still remember my professor saying that during my undergrad days. He was referring to the people who possess all the education and skills, all the knowledge and formulas, and all the answers to succeed, but they don’t yet have the experience.

He was right. I was the perfect parent BEFORE I had children. I could dish out the advice I was taught in my classes and sound like a pretty smart guy. And then my two children came along. I struggled with the formulas and wrestled with what I had been taught. The cookie cutter approach didn’t work. It was much harder than I thought, but the experience created questions. Those questions made me search for the answers that I hadn’t learned and helped to apply the ones that I had. The “doing” coupled with the knowledge made me a better parent.

The best experts in any field are the ones who have both the knowledge and experience (which means they have had a lot of failures along the way!) I’m surprised at the inordinate amount of Authors, Consultants and Coaches who proclaim themselves a “guru”, write a quick eBook and put it on Amazon. Their rationale? They have done the research and people are paying them for their knowledge but regurgitating information doesn’t make one an expert.

So before you hire a Consultant/Coach, buy that course or book, take that next seminar, ask someone to be your mentor or tap into that speechwriter (okay that was a shameless plug!), ensure that their knowledge has been hammered out on the anvil of experience. How can you really know? Following are four questions that will help in that process.

Are they knowledgeable? Knowledge can be acquired through several paths. There is the traditional route of academic degrees and professional certifications which is always a plus. But don’t hire or listen to someone just because they have the credentials. Ensure that their knowledge is transferable and workable for your purposes.

Are they experienced? This is a bit of slippery slope. Mark Twain said, “Knowledge without experience is just information.” Experience isn’t a matter of time but more a matter of effort. Think about it like this. Someone can have forty years of the same experience or two years of multiple experiences. In this case, the latter has more “experience” than the former.

What do others say about them? Websites are good and everyone should have them but I’m more concerned about what others are saying about them, i.e. third party validation. A friend of mine once purchased a “marketing kit” to help him sell a specific product. It was a ripoff, to say the least. He started to research said “guru” after the fact and found that most everything said about him was negative with the exception of what was on his own website.

Do they seem authentic? Authenticity is more than just a new buzzword and at its very foundation, subjective. Spend some time reading what the person has to say, listening to them speak or chatting with them one-on-one if possible. Try to determine if what they say seems consistent with who they are.

It is important to choose your “experts” carefully. The ease of self-publishing and the speed at which one can put up a website allows for “anyone” to declare themselves as such. If you see someone that says they are, just check them out before you buy, hire or otherwise create a relationship. It could save you a lot of money, time and aggravation later.

When The Fog Sets In…

By Bob Sands on May 1, 2018

The fog was thick. It wasn’t really anything that we had expected. We had to cross the Great Smoky Mountain National park to get back to where we were staying.

The fog was so dense, we couldn’t see but a couple of feet in front of us.

We made it through but it was a slow and scary ride. We had to keep going though because if we had stopped, another driver could have easily hit us. In order to stay safe and get to where we needed to go, we had to keep moving.

That’s both a lesson in business and in life. Sometimes you get in a fog. You don’t know when or how it set in but you suddenly realize you can barely see in front of you. It scares you because your visibility is zero. Stop and you’ll be in trouble. Go at the same speed and you might not see the curve or the vehicle in front of you. The answer? Slow down to a crawl if you must but keep moving because your destination is waiting. You can get where you need to go. The fog is only temporary.

4 Qualities of the People That Should Surround You

By Bob Sands on March 8, 2018

It’s been repeated over and over. Now “it” has become a truth, one of those immortal axioms of life. “It” goes like this: “You become the sum total of the five people you hang around the most.”

That’s both devastating and empowering. The former because it means the people you are hanging around could potentially be a negative influence on you. The latter because it means choosing the right people to surround yourself with could make all the difference. It does. I’ve seen in play out in my life and in the lives of others.

Your five aren’t people that you visit or dine with occasionally or necessarily the people with whom you golf, play cards or shoot pool. No, these five are the people that know the most about you and love you anyway. They are the people that know your strengths and weaknesses, your victories and defeats, your possibilities and your pain.

They are few and far between. In fact, you are fortunate if you have five that you trust implicitly. I do and I’m blessed.

How do you find those five, what do you look for? Here are four key areas to focus on. In order to help you remember them, the first letter of each word spells the word FIVE.

1.) Make sure they are people of Faith, especially if you are. If not, they won’t get you and may never get you or your perspective on life. You might be thinking, “But as a person of faith isn’t it my job to share it with others?”

Yes, but not the five. They should already be people who are on that journey of faith. They could be behind you, beside you or in front of you. The point is that they are with you on that journey. Remember, your five should be causing you to grow and develop, to be better. So they should at least have the same overarching worldview that you have.

2.) Make sure they are Inspiring and not demotivating. That’s important. There are some people that are miserable, all the time. Everything is negative and they turn most situations into a problem and sometimes even a crisis. Yes, we all have difficult moments, days and even weeks. But don’t hang around those who seem to do that for a living or have reduced it to an art!

3.) Make sure they have similar Values. This is closely related to the first but deserves its own category. Operating from a set of values helps one make important decisions. Being around those with similar values about marriage, child rearing, members of the opposite sex, etc., makes all the difference. Why so important? There’s an ancient saying that was posed as a question by the Apostle Paul. He said, “…Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33 (NIV)

4.) Make sure they have Emotional intelligence. The people in your five should be smart, but you must really be concerned about their EQ (Emotional Quotient). Emotional Intelligence has 5 spokes that make up the EI/EQ wheel. They are Self Awareness, Self Regulation, Motivation, Empathy and Social Skills. No one does it perfectly and each of us has a part of the wheel that is out of balance at times. But solid emotional intelligence will also challenge you for the better and help to both create and continue a healthy friendship for a long time.

So who are YOUR current five? Write them down. Once you do, take a look at them in light of these four areas. Don’t look for perfection but rather progress. And while you are looking at them, make sure you evaluate the most important person of all in the friendship and/or relationship – you.

Having “the five” in your life is important but being one of “the five” to someone else? It’s an honor. So be for them what you want them to be for you.

So remember:

F – Faith
I – Inspiring
V – Value
E – Emotional Intelligence/EQ